THAT V. WHICH—AN EPIC RAP BATTLE OF HISTORY (IF THESE EXISTED FOR GRAMMAR TOO)

Recently I decided to take on the daunting task of examining every usage of “that” in my 87,000 word novel via Command F/ Ctrl F. Am I crazy? Possibly. I was born and raised in the Midwest, and the over-use, (and often incorrect use) of “that” is a hallmark of our lovely Midwestern accent. It’s part of what makes us neat. But—as we all know—the things we can get away with in speech, can fail in writing. 

I went into the “that” v “which” battle fairly confident; I was a bit rusty, but I knew at one point in life, I had a solid understanding of the difference between “that” and “which.” As in most fights, it’s the punch you don’t see that brings you down. When it came to my own writing, I could hardly see “that” when I read over my book. I ended up using the handy “Find” function on my Mac, and manually looking at each “that.” I don’t know what the normal percentage is for “that” usage, but mine was well over a thousand; I’m definitely embarrassed by this, even though I don’t know if I should be. 

At first I tried to correct any “that” v. “which” issues by ear. This works is some cases, but after about a 100 or so looks, the use of “which” started to sound extremely British to me. To help me deal, I used two solid websites to navigate the nuances of the “that” v. “which” battle (which gets even more complicated when “who” steps into the ring as well). They are: How to Use “That” and “Which” Correctly: 4 Steps (with Pictures) and Relative Clauses: The Writing Center at UNC-Chapel Hill. I went back to these websites quite often until I found my “that” v. “which” rhythm.

I wouldn’t exactly call this process fun, but it was well worth the effort because I was able to reduce my overall word count by 500. When you correct “that” v. “which” errors, you will need to examine your use of description because, after all, using “which” is essentially providing non-essential information to the clause. When I found an error, if I couldn’t change the sentence structure easily (or if it sounded too British), then I had to ask myself if I really, really wanted the description in the first place. 

Most of the time, if the sentence structure became awkward after correcting a “that” v. “which” error, I removed the description. However, there were sometimes where I decided to stylistically keep the error. I fully realize I may be looking for justifications, but I found some interesting reasons to keep a “that” v. “what” error.  

• Reason 1: “which” doesn’t contract—basically, you can have “that’s” but you can’t have “which’s.” So “a bicycle that’s built for two”, should really be, “a bicycle, which is built for two,” but screw that—this is one of the benefits of being a creative writer. 

• Reason 2: I almost always kept an incorrect “that” in dialogue—like seriously, I may have only switched this once or twice. I have reasons for this as well. 1) My protagonist is from Chicago, so I’m going to keep the Midwestern accent for her. 2) My characters are not British, and as mentioned above, “which” sounded way too British to me or at the very least, more formal than what I was going for. 3) I learned in grade school that authors can do whatever they want in dialogue (this isn’t a real belief of mine, it’s just something that got me through usage number 928 to 976 of “that”—so don’t judge). 

The nice thing about “that” and “which” is most of the time, they can grammatically be eliminated if you play around with the sentence structure. So once you hit your “that” v “which” rhythm, you can make your own stylistic choices. I decided to keep “that” between two nouns, but I removed “that” between a noun and a verb. You may choose to do something different, and it can still be correct. But that’s why I love writing. It’s the opposite of math.

I’m not going to lie, stepping into the “that” v. “what” ring was painful at times, but overall, I came out victorious. I’m much more confident in the flow and tone of my narrative.  My wordiness is reduced, and I feel more in control of the sentences. I may have a few bruises, but my writing is much tighter as a result.

Fuckily--An Advocate's Perspective

As a writer, many people often ask me what my favorite word is in the English language. Seriously, this happens more often than you might think. I’m not sure exactly what prompts it. It’s not like people ask me my favorite color anymore, but maybe if I was a painter, this would be a more common experience.  

When I first started to realize how often I field this question, I thought it was entirely odd. Would a painter know the exact number of her favorite color on the PMS color chart? I decided to have a few words at the ready…kind of like you need to have the five words to describe yourself prepared ahead of time before going on an interview.

These words definitely changed as my experience as a writer changed. My grad school words included metafiction and ars poetica. My early-teaching career words included onomatopoeia and oxymoron. I would politely explain that I couldn’t possibly pick one word; it would be like asking an artist to choose one color, right? That may be true, but it was also a lie. 

Hands down, without question, I have one favorite word in the entire English language, and that word is Fuck. I believe this whole-heartedly, mainly because of its versatility.  So I’ve decided to put it to the test—can it function as each of the eight major parts of speech?

Noun: Of course. Example: Walter is such a fuck. 

Verb: Absolutely. Examples: fuck, fucking, fucked, has been fucked, etc.

Pronoun: I know this is a reach, but I think it is still valid. Example: I’m so sick of Justin; fucker still owes me last month’s rent.

Adjective:  At first I thought I could just skip this because it’s such an obvious yes, but then I noticed that the adjective form often (perhaps always) conjugates; it’s close to the gerund usage, but not quite. Is there a term for a verb acting as an adjective? I can’t think of one other word where this happens. Example: That fucking test was so fucking hard.  

Conjunction: Hmmm. Going to get creative here. A conjunction is used to join information together; in usage, Fuck often replaces one of the most popular conjunctions—but. Example: I was going to bet on red, fuck I hit black instead.

Interjection: A word that expresses emotion and often uses an exclamation point—definitely yes.  Example: Fuck!

Preposition: Admittedly another reach, but the usage is so common, that I have to give it a shot. Example:  Brad constantly gets fucked over by his boss. Note: the removal of fucked or over changes the entire meaning of the sentence, so perhaps this should be fucked-over.

Adverb: Here’s where I get stuck. And I feel that this is entirely unfair to my beloved Fuck. It could be argued that the -ing adjective form could also be used as an adverb, but it doesn’t quite work.  So I am advocating for a new usage—Fuckily. Example: That was fuckily done.

Fuckily gives an air of sophistication while still capturing the essence of everything that is Fuck. Luckily is given a similar adverbial state, so there is some precedent to draw from. After all that  Fuck has been and done, it definitely deserves this one last part of speech.

Review: Furyborn by Claire Legrand

Had it not been a busy couple of weeks, I would have torn through this book even quicker; however, as my friend Bradley Lloyd--Shadow Fray--likes to say, it also serves well as a slow burn novel. Either way, this book will keep you interested.

The world that Legrand creates brings you in almost immediately; it is plausible yet complicated, and fantasy fans will welcome its originality--the transcendentalist in me is especially hooked on the concept of the Empirium. However, if you are like me, and just like a good book--any good book--then you will be pleased with its accessibility. You can geek out on this book as much or as little as you want.

I'm a sucker for strong female characters, and Furyborn introduces two beautifully crafted female protagonists told mostly in a parallel format that links up at the end, which showcases Legrand's storytelling mastery. Rielle and Eliana are powerful in their own right, immensely brave, yet flawed enough to show the struggle of owning and releasing personal power--all nicely wrapped in a tight and intricate fantasy plot with supporting characters that you will love as much as Rielle and Eliana do. 

This is my first read by the author, but I'm definitely going to be checking out her other books. Can't find the release date of Book 2 yet, but I'll update if I hear anything--rumors included.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2467397331

Usage of "They" as a Singular Pronoun? Absolutely Yes!

I’m an English teacher.  A college English teacher.  And I have a confession.  In my students’ writing, I don’t correct the erroneous usage of “they” when it is used to create a gender-neutral pronoun for a singular subject. I’ve never admitted this to my colleagues; when this is even hinted at, there are audible gasps at faculty meetings. To me it’s important for two reasons.  A living language needs to evolve. In American speech, it is common to use a singular “they” instead of an awkward “he or she” or a biased “he” to refer to all genders. In fact, I would argue that the primary usage of a singular "they" in speech is an effort by the speaker to be fair. However, the singular “they” is an effortless effort. It feels and sounds natural—so much so that it flies under the radar of even the most adamant PC opponents. This leads to the second and more important reason: using a singular “they” allows the language to be inclusive.  Alternative usages have been created to try to tackle the lack of a gender-neutral singular pronoun (such as only using the the feminine pronoun in the same way that the masculine pronoun was used in the past). However, this doesn't create inclusivity.   It is rare to see the singular “they” embraced in academic circles. The necessity of inclusion has been pared down for the last decade or so, but as meaningful societal conversations regarding the trans community become more common, English teachers should also examine their rigidity in regards to this. Having witnessed first-hand the abject resistance to the singular “they” in otherwise forward-thinking people who value critical thought, I am dumbfounded by this. So I am making a public declaration in favor of the use of the singular “they,”and I encourage all English teachers and writers to do the same. 

KCAL CBS Los Angeles Interview

Not my most loquacious interview, but it's nice to have an official tag in the interview regardless. Greg Mills said that he thought he was more nervous than I was when he interviewed me...with everything else that was going on, I did forget to be nervous.

http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2017/04/14/delta-to-offer-passengers-nearly-10000-to-give-up-flight-seats/

Fiction as an Agent of Change

Want to change the world? Write fiction. Write song lyrics or novels. Write micropoetry or screenplays. Write comedy. Write drama. Write epic love ballads or post-apocalyptic fight scenes. Write anything that moves beyond the shackles of non-fiction and into the world of truth. Because a lot of people will only look in the mirror if they think they'll see someone else.  Write the change that you want to see in the world.  Here are some ideas how:

• Get angry, sad, horny, whatever, and use that to create beautiful, round, human (or human-like) characters. These are the ones that we fall in love with. Then and only then will their (aka your) observations of the human condition be heard.
• Veil your social commentary throughout a completely unrelated plot. You don't have to be afraid that it will compromise your story. Ever heard any complaints about the political undertones in the wildly popular musical Wicked? Me neither. Really good undertones will draw people in, even if there isn't a conscious awareness of them.
• Alternatively, you can mix in a social commentary here and there. Small comments can plant the seeds of change. How many times have you seen one quote go viral? The next time that happens, try looking up the full context of the quote. A lot of the time, the larger work isn't related to the current circumstances.

Anything that is written from the heart can and will resurface in a time of need. So capture the moment that you are in. You may never know how it will bring comfort in the future. 

Midnight Poetry

How to Write a Damn Good Sex Scene—the Basics

I don’t know about you, but I have yet to see a mainstream writing conference with a break-out session on this. Yet, sex is a basic human need. Characters eat, sleep, drink—and yes, characters have sex. I resist the idea that “good” or “serious”  fiction only involves celibate characters or, at most, a one sentence summary of the act. So be kind to your characters (and your readers) and let them be fully human. I’m hoping to expand on these in upcoming posts, but here are a couple of basics:

1. Don’t back down from a sex scene—let the character’s perspective shape what type of scene it will be. As an author, I believe you have an obligation to be true to your character. If your character wants a sex scene, by all means give it to her/him.
2. A sex scene is a great chance for an unusual character detail or twist—take advantage of this.
3. Stay in perspective. Pick one of the character’s perspective and write from it throughout the entire scene. You can always switch to the partner’s perspective in a different chapter.
4. Watch the pronoun usage. This is especially true for same sex or multiple partner scenes. I find myself writing the first draft almost entirely with pronouns, but this creates a distance for the reader and stylistically deviates from the rest of my normal pronoun usage.  Well-placed names in a sex scene can drive momentum, enhance the connection, or create a plot twist.
5. Choose your words carefully. Remember, you have to use the words that your character would to describe male and female genitalia (side note: I have yet to have a a character use the word genitalia). The time period of your characters will also dictate your word choice. While dick is a more modern usage, cock—although more crude—is timeless; seriously, just ask Shakespeare. At all costs, try to avoid member. Similarly, some verbs have become cliche like throbbing, pulsating, gyrating, etc. Also, in general, beware of the gerund.

Writing without Future Problems

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I don’t write. Okay, there’s been a lot of times when I haven’t written. Too many times actually. And then there’s what I do instead of writing. Sometimes while not writing, I actually think about my writing; this is mostly productive—kind of like daydreaming in my character.  Other times, I may spend 30 minutes or more reading about some tangent after I look up an obscure reference for my book, but I really don’t mind this either (seriously though, if you don’t know about wood ducks, they are awesome).  More often than not, my non-writing involves a swirling loop in my brain of what I should be doing but currently am not. So I asked my writing partner to see if he ever experienced anything like this and, also, to get a double check on my sanity.  “It’s not that I don’t know what to write, it’s like I can’t write sometimes. Does that make sense?”  My writing partner is the type who can just crank. I don’t mean to be disparaging; he’s faced his own set of writing problems; we all struggle; we just do it in our own way.  But my extremely lovely writing partner can authentically be non-judgmental in times like these, and after I gave him some more details of my non-writing time, he calmly but assertively stated, “Those are future problems. You just need to concentrate on what is going on now.” He has a way with words. And these words stuck. Writing without future problems, besides being productive, is actually really, really fun.